What are You Becoming?

July 6, 2015

Ready for Church in her African dress.

African dresses for Church.

Dear Family,

Well, kids. Lusaka is pushing me to my limits but every once in a while I look around and realize that it's becoming more and more beautiful to me. We drive/walk the same streets but my love for the members and people I work with is increasing. 

I guess that's the greatest thing I have to rejoice in right now. I don't really rejoice in my low numbers or how many doors are slammed in our face or how many houses we are kicked out of because we are "satanic" (although my companion is really good at laughing at all of these silly situations) but I do rejoice in who I am becoming because of these trials. 

I had an interview with President Erickson this week and after discussing some practical things about missionary work he looked at me and asked, "Do you like who you are becoming?" The Spirit just filled me and I knew that Heavenly Father likes who I am becoming. So do I. My love and faith has increased, my endurance has been tested and I am continuing on and I am happy about who I am and who the future me will be as I continue on this course. As I told him some of my feelings I mentioned how I will be a forever saint on and after mission and when I finished he said, "Well, you have thoroughly uplifted and depressed me. Uplifted because you have touched my life so deeply and depressed because you had to mention going home. How much longer do you have?" When I told him he looked sad but then he said, "You still have time to touch my life more, touch the lives and missionaries even more, and touch the lives of members and investigators." I love that man so much. 

I think my sweetest moment this week was a totally unplanned one. For the past couple of months we have had volunteers with Mother's Without Borders staying in our area and coming to our ward and so with a break between two groups of volunteers two of them came to teach with us. We ended up waiting an hour for our investigator to show up but that hour was totally divinely planned. One of the volunteers began telling us about the past 5 years of her life of inactivity in the church and how since coming to Zambia for this trip she has come back to church and begun reading her scriptures again. It was amazing to see this girl so obviously changed. We got to teach her and I felt so much love for her. Hearing her story made me see how Heavenly Father slowly brings people back to Him when they wander. It wasn't all at once. It wasn't a few days after she made a bad choice. It's taken 5 years. But she's back and she is so full of light. It was a tender mercy for me even though she may have thought that lesson was for her.

We have a couple of YSA investigators that are progressing well which is sweet. They seem to be our only real investigators but at least we have two. 

But through all of this I feel like my greatest blessings haven't been in miracles or people to teach but in great treasures of knowledge. The Spirit has taught me so much about the gospel I never knew, even when I'm just brushing my teeth or driving the car (by the way, this week our car was in the shop so we walked one day and then we've used another car the rest of the week--an AUTOMATIC!). Something I learned this week is that we don't necessarily need to remember Christ on the cross or in the Garden every moment of every day to keep our covenant of remembering Him. We remember Him in our righteous choices and our service of others and our decision to keep pushing forward despite adversity. I will love and remember Him always.

Love,

Sister Proctor