Perfect Orchestrations

March 2, 2015

Me looking fine (please sense the sarcasm) on my 20th

I brought cake to district meeting (because we have the best district) to celebrate Elder Lemperle and my birthdays.

Agnes' second to last Sunday before she heads to the London South Mission. I love this girl too much.

An awkward selfie

The Chirwa family--my Malawian family. These people are too good. 

Darling Family,

Have I mentioned that I love being a missionary? I remember as I wrote my farewell talk the the theme "perfect orchestrations" emerged--little did I know I had discovered the theme for my entire mission. There were so many moments this week where divine intervention was so obvious I couldn't help but smile and think, "Oh, Heavenly Father, you are too good."

First of all, the rest of my birthday was grand. Sister Dlamini and I took a bus to a market outside of Blantyre called Limbe and I think the men were all informed it was a special day because they were all saying really funny things to me. As we were getting on the bus to go back to Blantyre this guy yelled, "You look like a thousand!" and the whole bus, including myself, started laughing. These Malawians are too funny. My companion told another guy that it was my birthday and he gave me a little angel made out of white beads. We laughed because Agnes always calls me the "white angel". So yeah, my 20th was a success.

District meeting was powerful. We have a couple new Elders in the district and we've all mutually agreed we are the best district in the mission. We might be biased but whatever. We also may only be 1/11,000 of the missionaries in the entire world but we are making a difference for the people we come in contact with. We talked about the importance of the Spirit in conversion and I had a sort of obvious yet important realization--the Spirit is all that matters. Sometimes it's easy to get down on myself for forgetting little things or not being perfect but if I am remember every little thing and not bringing the Spirit then I can't do anything. The Spirit is what will change and convert people. Yes, the other things are good to remember but if I forget and I bring the Spirit, all is well. The Spirit is the real missionary.

We had a few days this week where we felt like children wandering in the wilderness. One day it was hot and appointments were cancelled and I was praying for guidance from the Spirit but it didn't feel like any specific guidance was coming. Then we knocked on a door. It took a while for someone to come and we were about to move on to the next house but finally the door opened and we found a thin woman peering out at us. We didn't even tell her we were missionaries before she invited us to come in. When we sat down and began to introduce ourselves as missionaries and how we share the restored gospel she just started weeping. When she pulled herself together she told us she had just been on her knees pleading with God to help her and we knocked at the door mid-prayer. I knew that we had been directed to her. We went again yesterday to meet with her, Mercy, and her husband, Bruno, and it was just a sweet lesson. It's worth wandering in the wilderness to have moments like these.

We are teaching this guy called Mukeya and when we taught him the restoration last time there were a few things that he didn't agree with so he told us that our next lesson he was inviting his friend who "had been in the Word longer than him". We were praying that they weren't going to be bashers and that their hearts would be softened and that, too, was a great lesson. At first his friend was a bit abrasive but then Mukeya stepped in and said, "Man, let them teach us. I think they'll answer your questions." It was possibly the most spirit-filled lesson about the Book of Mormon I've ever taught. I truly appreciate earnest seekers of truth. Another prayer was answered.

We got a member called Brother Wisiki to come work with us one day and then our appointment was cancelled. It's always a little uncomfortable if an appointment is cancelled and a member has walked all the way to teach a lesson with you. But like I said last week, fall throughs are just opportunities in disguise. Another member called Brother Likoswe told us about this guy that baptized him but went less active years ago and hasn't been to church since. No one had really heard of him. We recently tracked him down and so we felt like we should go try and see if this less active was home. Yes he was home, and what made the orchestration even more perfect was that he and Brother Wisiki were long time friends but neither knew the other was a member. It was just too perfect. We had a sweet lesson on the restoration and this guy pulled out his baptism and priesthood certificates and baptismal photos and he was obviously still very proud to be a member. Well, on Sunday, after nearly 7 years of being less active he humbly walked into church. I wish I could describe how happy Brother Wisiki and Brother Likoswe were to see their brother back at church. You guys. Less actives are the best.

We have been going through our area book and contacting former investigators and we went and taught one called Emmi who lives in Nyambadwe aka the big gates. I've never been that deep into Nyambadwe. Heavens, these people are rich. I felt almost uncomfortable sitting down in her house and drinking her ice cold juice across from her huge TV. I wonder how I'll feel when I sit down in the house in Alpine again...

Church yesterday was the happiest. Not only did that less active, Davis, come but so did a few other less actives and INVESTIGATORS. Since December, we haven't really had any sold investigators come to church so to see these two guys walk into the meeting house I about died. Also, ever since Alinafe was baptized in December he hasn't missed one chance to bear his testimony on fast Sunday. He loves to tell his Moroni story of how he buried the Book of Mormon. Watching him teach primary is the cutest thing ever. And we were talking to him today and he told us how natural it feels to work with the Elders. The day I see a badge with "Elder Mkandawire"on it. Oh man.

My overwhelming feeling this week is that God loves these people so much and He loves me so much and He has a plan for each of us personally. Though these last couple of months have been challenging in many ways, I am so grateful for the trials I have faced. I'm living in Thanksgiving daily. It's a good life.

Love,

Sister Proctor

One Year Older and Wiser Too!

Feb. 23, 2015

Osman, a guy in the branch, is heading out to Birmingham, England on a mission so we had a goodbye party for him. The youth are too good.

Sister Erickson giving me my first haircut of my mission. I was nervous...but it turned out great.

I showed up to the grocery store this morning (in my new birthday dress--a birthday gift to myself) and found these two hooligans, Sister Griffus and Sister Browning, with these ridiculous signs on their shirts. Everyone in the grocery store was saying happy birthday to me. It was hilarious.

Darling Family,

Yep, I turn 20 today. So there's that.

This week was definitely better than last week. We are on the steep climb up hill--things are looking up. We had many wonderful lessons and found some new investigators and we felt Heavenly Father's love poured out upon us. Still no progressing investigators but slowly but surely we will conquer this mountain (pun intended--our area is literally one big mountain).

We taught the Kawere family again except we are having a hard time finding the abambo (father) at home. Esther is so powerful--she knows that what we teach is true. The problem is getting them to church. Actually, that is the challenge for every one of our investigators. While the Elders in our branch get 14 investigators we get zero. But Esther is powerful. I feel strongly that she will come around. Her daughters are beautiful and very smart. They will soften her heart because the youngest girl knows all the answers to our questions and she's the one that wants to come to church the most.

We got a new sister this week--Sister Zohner from Boise, Idaho. She is super fresh and super white (sunburns for dayz) and it's fun to have her in the house. Sister Mntungwa is very happy to be back in her branch, district, and area. It is nice to be back to work full time in Ndirande with Sister Dlamini. She is so sweet and patient with my weaknesses and my tears.

On Wednesday we went to the Elders area to do some Relief Society visits. One of my greatest joys is seeing the branch that I serve it become more established. The Relief Society sisters are few in number but great in light. We went to visit Sister Duwa, a sister who is 10 months pregnant. Yes, I wrote that correctly. That poor lady. It is her first pregnancy and she is just turning into a pumpkin waiting for this kid. It was a sweet moment. On the way back through the market and dusty roads, a couple of drunk guys got in a fight and one of the sisters, Sister Kadzuwa who speaks two words of English, immediately took my hand and protected me through the crowd. It was a tense moment but also very characterizing of Malawians--they are SO protective of each other. So many times random strangers have stepped up to protect us in seemingly harmless situations. Have I mentioned I love Malawians?

Thursday the windows of heaven were opened. We set aside time to go finding in the richer area and we found so many new investigators. The whole time we were just praying and it seemed like every door was opened to us. At one house there was a sign that said, "Beware of the owners not the dog". I was slightly intimidated as I knocked at the gate and there opened the smiliest, nicest guy I have ever met. He was about our age but he was cute like a little boy. We had a powerful lesson with him and his cousin and they both wanted to learn more.

We had many fall throughs this week but I am learning to see them more like opportunities--like God has somewhere else we need to be. After a fall through, I felt prompted to go visit a less active/part-member family and do service and when we got there the non-member father was sitting on the porch. We ended up teaching him and as we were getting to know him we found out that he was nearly baptized with his children but his "fellow Christians" discouraged him from leaving the CCAP church. We invited him to be baptized and he said yes. That was a sweet moment because all along he has known that the Church is true. Tender mercies. Perfect orchestrations.

We had interviews on Saturday with President and my interview was both encouraging and challenging. I expressed some of the struggles we have been having in our area and he just told me how my influence is far greater than a linear baptismal statistic or investigator pool--that I have a great influence on the whole mission. It was humbling as I have been feeling inadequacy lately. Then he turned to challenge me to step up. He said that each person brings something on their mission that they need to leave behind. He gave the example of a football jock bringing the mentality that he is the man and he will pass through the mission by his good looks and charm. He asked, "Sister Proctor, what did you bring on your mission that you need to leave behind?" This is a question I have also asked in another form whilst reading about the Anti-Nephi-Lehites. What weapons of rebellion do I need to bury to be a better, more consecrated disciple? 

Well, I love you all so much. Life is good. Being a missionary is the best. I love this refining, stretching, beautiful experience so much.

Sister Proctor

Will We Keep Pace?

Feb. 16, 2016

My beautiful, rainy area.

My sweet zone before transfers.

Ndirande district. Sister Mntungwa is going back to her other district, Elder Barnard is being transferred to Oakley, Idaho, and Elder Kapande is going to the blessed Lilongwe zone. They will be missed!

Our joint birthday "party" for Sister Dlamini and I and the seminary students. These kids are the greatest.

Darling Family,

To start out, President emailed us and announced that Elder Bednar officially approved a new DISTRICT in Lilongwe. I am the happiest child. My birthplace is growing and it makes me so happy. Lilongwe is a special place, indeed. Sister Stones, one of the senior sisters that lived across from me in Lilongwe, called me last night to ask about a girl in my old branch and she just let me know that Sister Orr and I are somewhat of legends in the Kalambo Branch. I miss those people so much. What a blessing it was to serve there.

This week has been a week of low lows and high highs. I suppose I will start with the lows and end with the highs.

Like I said last week, I got a good chastening from the Lord and with that a great endowment of hope but when something great like that happens, Satan often follows to take you down. This week I had a lot of feelings of indadequacy. It seems like I have been doing everything right and trying to do my best on all sides but I always fall short. It was extremely hot this week and on the day when Satan hit me the hardest I also got attacked by a bunch of ants during a lesson. Ha! The Spirit was definitely not there. I found myself on my knees just pleading witht the Lord to know what to do. Ultimately, these two scriptures have helped me:

"He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God; And being fully persuaded that, what he had promised, he was able also to perform" (Romans 4:20-21).

"Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed" (Doctrine and Covenants 123: 17)

Now to the high highs:

Zone meeting was just great. We were reminded that though we have all suddenly been hit with a wall of opposition and pretty much all of us are finding very little success that the Lord has covenanted with our mission that if we do His work in His way that we will accomplish our goal of 750 baptisms. The question is, will we keep pace? I am not perfectly spiritually in shape and to be honest I cannot keep pace on my own. The Lord is hastening His work and at the same time He is doing a great hastening in me. I am doing my best. Now I need to stand still and see the salvation of God. All will be well.

We are teaching this Ba-hai guy called Amos and we had a great lesson with him on the nature of God. He sort of has this idea this God is the all-knowing, all-powerful being that is far away and has no personal interest in us. Each of us studied the nature of God before the lesson and then we asked for the Spirit to help us know exactly what we needed to see. We testified that God is truly our loving Heavenly Father and that He knows us. We even have the potential to be like Him. Even if Amos didn't completely feel it, I did. I know that God loves us and knows us personally. He is our Father and we are His children. What a hopeful and beautiful knowledge to have.

We taught these two 12-year-olds, Clifford and Dave, about the Aaronic Priesthood. They both come from semi-less-active families but it was the cutest thing ever. They were both so excited about the priesthood and they both came to church on Sunday in their fresh white shirts. It's the little things.

Transfers came and Heavenly Father answered my prayer: I get to stay in Blantyre! Yay! A new baby sister is coming to our flat from America. I'm excited to see her freshness--new Americans are so funny when they come to Africa. I know I was. Sister Dlamini and I are excted to continue working through this opposition together and find investigators that are prepared. We are still struggling with our teaching pool but all is well.

On Saturday night as we planned for Sunday we literally had no one to see. We called like 20 possible investigators and they all said they would "let us know" aka no. We said a prayer and my mind was opened as if I was walking through the area to a house that we needed to go to. We had contacted it before but the Spirit guided me to see that was where we needed to go. Yesterday we went there and had a sweet first lesson with a girl who had been taught before by missionaries. She has a lot of great questions and has a desire to learn. We were truly guided by the Spirit not knowing beforehand the things which we should do.

I feel like this email was slightly jumbled and poorly written but I hope you got the general sense that though this mission thing is hard I am continuing forward with faith and I love it with all my heart.

Love,

Sister Proctor

Oh, to Grace How Great a Debtor

Feb. 9, 2015

When I turned 6 months I wrote an email about the things that I have learned on my mission so far. One of those things was that I am nothing--that I am completely reliant on Heavenly Father. Well, this week taught me that lesson even more. God gave us some fire this week and I would say I have truly been chastened and encouraged to step up and move forward with greater commitment to Him.

We were doing some finding in Chilimoni (Sister Mntungwa's area we are balancing with ours) and finally we just sat down wondering how to move forward. I said, "You guys, lately I just feel like I'm not feeling anything. No matter how hard I try I am just not feeling it in lessons". They were both glad that I said something because they were feeling the same way. We went home that night and did some analyzing of what was wrong. We have been having amazing, uplifting, motivating meetings lately and yet we were pretty much numb to move forward. As we talked further and started studying to find the answer we got the greatest chastisement.

Recently we came up with a standard of excellence and some mission goals for the year and they have asked us to be much better than we have in the past--they require true consecration of heart, might, mind and strength. We have been trying so hard to live up to all of these new expecations but in our great efforts we had forgotten that ultimately it is not our strength that will do the work. We have been relying on our own strength to try and step up and it has resulted in failure. This is the Lord's work. Of course we would need His strength. We have been searching and searching but if we don't have the guidance of the Spirit then we will yield nothing.

That's what the Spirit has taught me this week. "If you don't yield yourself, you will yield nothing".

Heavenly Father let us know that we haven't been seeking His guidance enough. We have been called to do things that are much bigger than us and the only way we can do them is if we work with someone much bigger. We know what we need to do but without the Spirit we cannot feel or do what we need to do. President Erickson and Elder Cook have given us the knowledge, but it is only through the Spirit that we can confirm it in our hearts and actually put it into action.

So, I am going back to the basics. I guess my mission up to this point has been life changing and wonderful and I have seen many people's lives change but now I am called to be better than I've been. I was doing my best with what I knew at the time but now I know better and that means I have to be better. I have to lose myself even more. I thought I had but God wants more of me. He wants all of me. I need to study Preach My Gospel everyday and not just once in a while. I need to study for my investigators and not just for my desire for knowledge. I need to forget myself and go to work.

I guess this email has sort of been a sermon but this has taken up most of my thoughts and actions all week. I am grateful to know that God chastises those He loves. He cuts us down because He sees our potential to be better. He doesn't want us to settle for less.

We are teaching this family called the Kaweres who are super SDA (seventh day). We have been teaching the plan of salvation and it has been hard for them to comprehend that we lived with God before and we aren't just made of the "breathe of life". Finally, the wife just totally got it and she started looking at the things that her church was teaching and she was like, "They have been teaching me this all along but I feel like what you are saying is true". When we asked what she would do with her knowledge she said she would know it but continue going to the church she knew. I gave the example of many schools around Blantyre all teaching different curriculums. If you knew that one school taught the true curriculum then wouldn't you want to go to that school? It's not about the school but it's about what is taught there. Then she said, "Ah, Sister Proctor. You are teaching my in parables". She is the sassiest woman. I love her.

Another tender mercy happened. After the grand chastisement we were excited to go out and apply all that the Spirit had taught us. We were finding in the richer part of our area and as we were searching for this man we contacted before we came upon a girl our age sitting in her house called Nelia. She actually reminded me a lot of Capri (shout out to Hermana Dahle!). We asked her if she knew the man we were looking for and she invited us in. We took the opportunity to teach and the whole time I was praying to find her need. The Spirit opened my mouth and I began to testify of repentance and the peace that Heavenly Father can give us despite our pasts and she just began crying and telling us about her life story. Her mother died and her father abandoned her and so many things have happened that has made her feel like God isn't hearing her prayers. I just testified to her that though her earthly father abandoned her she has a Heavenly Father that will never abandon her. I can't wait to teach her again.

Well, I love you all. If you want to understand more of my feelings read Nephi's Psalm (2 Nephi 4). God is so good. He knows what we need. I am certainly being refined and I am eternally grateful.

Carl B. Cook is the Coolest

Feb. 2, 2015

Our district leader, Elder Doig, picked out the material and made skirts and ties for our district for mission tour. I was pretty impressed. They turned out well. I didn't get a picture of the Elders and their ties but they looked nice.

Sister Dlamini's birthday lunch today. Just gaze at the background for a little bit. Malawi is too beautiful.

Feel free to laugh at our amusing height difference. I am not even standing up straight.

Walking to the area. Ndirande is getting greener and greener.

Sister Griffus and I made month pancakes to celebrate our 7 and 14 month marks. Yes, she has double my time on mission.

Darling Family,

It has been a lovely, inspiring week and I continue to get down on my knees every morning and thank Heavenly Father for letting me be His missionary. What a good time to be alive and to be on His errand!

The past month has been one of great challenge and I feel God asking me to step up and be a better everyday. With the standard of excellence we made at MLC and the mission goals for the year on top of the promptings from the Spirit and the zone conference we had with Elder Carl B. Cook this week, I feel the refiner's fire and it is certainly doing its work. We are working harder to find families to teach and to get the best fellowshippers possible from the branch. It can be challenging to coordinate an investigating family with a member family and get them all sat down in one room to teach but oh, how rewarding it feels. 

It can be easy to call the branch missionaries who are YSA and get them to work with us but the only effective lessons are when a quality fellowshipper is there. Since we have refocused on teaching families we then have to turn to the older branch members and get them to take time out of their days to come work with us. It can be intimidating to call a older guy and ask if he will take time away from work and family to come teach but ultimately it strengthens the member when they make that sacrifice. We worked with so many members we have never worked with before this week and it is so satisfying.

I went on exchanges with Sister Griffus on Wednesday and it was good just to talk through things with her. She has recently been called to finish training Sister Browning so we had a good chat. I still don't understand why Heavenly Father called me to be a leader so young when all of these people have double my time but I have learned so much as an STL.

As a threesome, we are called to still balance Sister Mntungwa's area so we have to travel to Chilimoni a few days a week. It poured on us. Guys, the rains are no joke here. But all along I just kept a prayer in my heart that I could stay here in Blantyre for as long as possible. I am growing to love this place. It is becoming my home, just as Lilongwe was. We are just on the up and up after a long few weeks of hard finding. I am so excited about the families we are teaching. Such tiny things make me happy. The other day we were walking to the area and we saw this agogo (grandma) carrying a hoe and bag of things so we offered to help her and then she held my hand as we walked for about 5 minutes. It was so sweet. It's the little things.

As I said, we had mission tour with Elder Carl B. Cook and it was so powerful. I think I say this about every other paragraph but I am so blessed to be a missionary at this time in this place. This is the most exciting, wonderful thing in the world. Elder Cook talked about how Elder Russel M. Nelson was here in Blantyre in 2011 and he got down on all fours and dedicated the country of Malawi for the gospel. We often look back at church history and think, "I wish I could be missionary in those days when they were getting tons of baptisms" but then he said with power and conviction that "THESE are the days for Malawi". I can't tell you how much I feel that. We are pioneers but it is a privilege to be part of the genesis of something grand.

We talked about conversion and how the Lord is hastening His work and I felt so strongly that God might not be increasing the number of baptisms, although that might be a fruit of the hastening, but He is hastening us from within. He is refining His servants and giving them treasures of great knowledge to know how to do His work with more power and impact. Let me tell you, I certainly feel the hastening within myself. He said that only a, "progressing missionary has progressing investigators." We need to be growing in our conversion everyday in order to help others in their own conversion process. 

President Erickson got up at the end and read a long-anticipated letter from the Area Presidency announcing that there will be the formation of the first stake in Zambia. I know I haven't served in Lusaka but tears just filled my eyes. The work is moving forward. He also announced that this year in the Africa Southeast Area there will be 12 new stakes and 93 new branches. This is what I get to be a part of. The rain was pouring the whole conference and planes were delayed for President and Elder Cook to come and there seemed to be a lot of opposition around the whole meeting and then Sister Cook's final testimony just blew me away. She had been contemplating why there would be so much opposition and she practically had to shout her testimony over the sound of the rain but she said she knew that Satan didn't want this announcement about the stake to be made but that no unhallowed hand could stop the work. I could cry right now, I just love being a missionary.

Before and after the meeting, Elder Cook personally greeted each missionary and when he greeted me at the end he said, "Sister Proctor, thank you for your comment. It really impacted me." Woah. I don't even know what I said but these are the things you will always remember.

The Chimwanga family continues to be the best ever. We have been praying about what couple from the branch we could bring to teach with us and then on Sunday we show up to church and there is a new couple in the branch that moved from Liwonde (a group of members far away in a small town). They have been members for 6 years and they happened to have moved to the same street as the Chimwangas. I asked them right then if they would teach with us this Thursday and they said yes. What? The answer to that prayer was already in the works before we even asked. Perfect orchestrations.

Today is Sister Dlamini's birthday so we went out to eat and she also got her dreads retwisted. Yes, my companion has dreads. It's pretty cool. Hair is such a big thing here. So many times on Pdays I have gone on hunts through the market to find the perfect weave for my companion. Ha! Adventures.

I am the happiest child in the world, though this is definitely not the easiest thing in the world. Hope your week is wonderful.

Love,

Sister Proctor

Showers, BOM Raps and Service Projects

Jan. 26, 2015

Pounding casava leaves at Susan's house.

My nice nice blister,

Sister Dlamini and I trying to be legit but we aren't.

Sister Mntungwa and I. We can't take this singing thing seriously.

Darling Family,

Just an update on the water status: After 14 days of bucket baths I had my first shower last night. It was freezing cold but it was running so I felt blessed. You don't know how hard it is to wash this long of hair in a bucket. Hopefully the water is back to stay. Thank you for all of your prayers.

Last Pday we went to our investigators' house and recorded a song they wrote. These guys we are teaching our rappers/singers (authentic African swag) so we told them that they should write a song about the Boof of Mormon. It was mostly about Jesus but it was still super fun to record our song in their little mud house/recording studio. The walls have egg cartons on them because apparently it helps with the sound. Sounds legit.

We had a sweet district service this week at the zone leader's investigator's house. Her yard but sort of overgrown so we weeded and cut the grass. Lawn mowers aren't really a thing in Malawi so we were given these long curved knives to wack the grass with. I got some good looking blisters but it was a good time. The Elder's in my district are awesome. 

We had a sweet lesson with Susan, one of the members that we work with a lot. She has lived with her uncle since she can remember with no real feminine influence so it seems like she has fallen into feeling like all life is is cooking and washing and cleaning. We taught her about goals and how God can and will help her to accomplish even grand, seemingly impossible dreams. We asked her what her deepest desires were and then sort of went around the room sharing our deepest desires. I obviously have a lot of dreams but I've never thought in depth about the greatest desires of my soul. When I examined my heart I found that above all--my desire to write and to travel and to explore--I want to be a wife and mother. Yes, I know I am a sister missionary but ultimately I want to raise a family in righteousness. 

We had our first lesson with this one guy called Moses who is a teacher at a secondary school in our area. As we got to know him he expressed how he knew that it was no coincidence that we met. We just contacted him as he was leaving work one day and he said he had since pondered that out of the 31 teachers at the school he was the one that we met and stopped. It's always cool to see when people recognize that it is God that directs our paths to meet. He wanted to meet with us at his school first before we met his wife and family so our next lesson we will get to teach all of them. I am excited to see where they go.

Multiple people this week have had a hard time believing that before we came to earth we were spirits living with our Heavenly Father. It's funny that many times the argument that one person has starts a trend for every other investigator. Many people here believe that we are just made up of bodies and the breath of life and when we die the breath just returns to the air. I personally think that is a depressing doctrine. It gives me eternal hope and joy to know that I am known of God, not only now but an eternity before this mortal existence.

Well, opposition continues to hit us hard. There are so many hard things I could focus on but it makes life 10x happier when you focus on the good. There is still a ton of rain and a ton of cancellations and a ton of rejection but we also finally got a few investigators to church and I saw Alinafe (our recent convert) teach primary for the first time and it was adorable. He was having the children repeat, "JESUS LOVES ME!" There are too many things to be grateful for.

I hope you all have a great week. Look for the good!

Love,

Sister Proctor

When it Rains it Pours

Jan. 19, 2015

Selfie Sunday - No Bathe Sabbath

My foot tan is coming along nicely

Darling Family,

I think Heavenly Father is preparing my for the apocalypse because after this week I think I could survive. Today marks a week since we have had running water in the flat and electricity has been spotty, too. The rains came so hard earlier in the week that there have been flash floods, many people's houses have collapsed, and many people have died. The pipes were buried in silt so basically no one knows how soon we will get water back. It is surreal to walk through my area and see that almost every other house has a wall or more that has collapsed. No one I know has died, in fact the members have been really blessed that only minor damage has happened to their homes, but most people I know have known people who have been killed. I would say that this mission thing is pushing me to all limits, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, yet my spirits are still high. I wouldn't say I am perfectly happy every hour of every day--your heart and eyes can get weary when you are surrounded by this daily and you have to bucket shower and do everything by candle light--but I am still a happy little seesta. 

All of this devastation has caused me to ponder about how we build our own spiritual houses. We learn in Heleman 5:12 (I have shared that scripture a lot this week) that if your foundation is built on Christ that you cannot fall. I think about Blantyre--this place is basically one big rock because it is situated in the mountains--so the foundations are not the problem for these fallen houses. The bricks that they use here are simply sand mixed with water, packed, dried, and then fired poorly. We may believe in Christ and have our foundations on Him but the building materials of our spiritual houses also matter. If we build with bricks of doubt, fear, insecurity, pride, self-righteousness, or sin then when the storms come our walls will collapse. We must build with bricks of faith, trust, charity, humility, and covenants all fired with the refiner's fire of the Spirit. That is the only way we can be protected from the storms of life.

Life is truly an adventure. The lights went out one night, so I got up to feel my way to the table to find my tiny lantern and Sister Mntungwa didn't hear me get up so she just saw a unknown figure in the darkness and she screamed. In turn, I screamed and I collapsed on the floor with tiny tears in my eyes. I have never collapsed out of fear before but we laughed for a while in the dark.

I forgot to tell you last week but I am still in a threesome with Sister Dlamini and Sister Mntungwa. Sister Mntungwa's companion is still having visa problems in Malawi so we are having to balance two areas while we wait. We went to Chilimoni a couple times and waded through rivers of nasty. It was fun. These ladies are crazy and I'm learning so much from them. 

We had zone meeting and talked more about the standard of excellence and goal of 750 baptisms and the Spirit once again confirmed that this is the time to step up our game and become who God wants us to be. I love how President Erickson and the zone leaders put it---this is less of a number and more of a symbol of our desires to be the best disciples that we can be. They compared in to the sacrament. The sacrament is a symbol of the Atonement and as we take it we recommit to try our best to be perfect. It doesn't mean that we will reach perfection that week but it is us showing Heavenly Father that we will try again. I can't wait to see how this goal plays out. I am so glad that I get to be here all year to see it happen.

As I've walked through the area the word, "weary" just kept playing in my head. I have felt that physically and emotionally this week. But it also made me recall a scripture I memorized a few months ago: D&C 64:33. Instead of the word "weary" playing over and over, that scripture replaced it: "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." The more that scripture has gone through my head the more I realize that that "great work" that I am laying the foundation of is not necessarily missionary work or the Kingdom of God but that work is ME. "For behold, this is my work and my glory--to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." I am laying the foundation for this great work that Heavenly Father is doing within me. Every time I choose to walk on when I just want to pause and shed little wee tears makes that foundation even better. I am choosing to become celestial rather than carnal (Shout out to Andy for your email last week).

We didn't have as many lessons as I would have hope this week but one lesson made it all work it. Yesterday we taught that family (the Chimwangas) again and again it was so full of the Spirit. They are so prepared it's crazy. They make up for the lack of investigators we have. They not only understand what we teach but the Spirit teaches them further and their responses are so deep. I hope I get to stay in Blantyre long enough to seem that family baptized. I love them so much.

Another thing that made me happy this week was that our branch president, President Matale, came and taught a lesson with us. He is the picture of consecration. He is just overseeing our branch for these few months while they find a new branch president because he is in the district presidency so his family goes to another branch. He goes and visits families in our branch multiple times a week and sacrifices his all to help the branch grow. It's amazing. On Sundays he brings a tiny lunch box, eats after church and all the meetings, and then goes to the area to visit. He's basically another missionary in the branch.

Well, life is fragile and beautiful and strange and adventurous and I am ever grateful to be the Lord's servant on His errand. Pray for the water to come back so I can take a shower again.

Love you forever,

Sister Proctor