Thursday, June 11, 2015

Hard Week

June 8, 2015

THANK YOU Hermana Sav McGrath for the cutest kapackage (Zambians put "ka" in front of things to say it's small). It was definitely the right week to get that :)

With Grace and Ben

Grace and Ben.They headed down to the temple on Sunday morning. They get sealed tomorrow!

Darling Mashike, the stake president's daughter. She comes teaching with us a lot.

Sister Mulunda and I after exchanges.This lady has the deepest French/Congolese accent you will ever find.
Darling Family,

This was one of the rougher weeks of my entire mission. I don't think I've ever had so many zeros in my planner in my life. People literally just slammed doors in our faces and called us a cult and all of our investigators texted us saying they don't want us to come anymore. So basically we are at ground zero but that's a pretty good place to build from, I suppose.

I've had to change my perspective on what defines a successful missionary this week. I went on exchanges with Sister Mulunda and the biggest thing I realized is though I may not have appointments filling my planner or any baptisms or basically any thing to show for what I am doing, I am doing my best to be obedient and to follow the Spirit and that is the true measure of a successful missionary. One girl who bore her testimony in church yesterday said, "The Lord cares much more about the offerer than the offering." In my deepest sorrows this week that is what the Spirit has reminded me.

My understand of the Atonement has increased so much as a missionary. When you are being rejected and hated and nothing seems to go right you are feeling just a sliver of what the Savior felt for the world and my love for Him has increased a hundred fold. In the premortal world He knew full well what he was getting himself into and yet he CHOSE to condescend below them all for the love of all of us. But then I realized, in the premortal world I also knew full well what I was getting into and I CHOSE to condescend anyway. I chose this mortal experience with its deepest afflictions and greatest joys. When I prayed whether to go on a mission the Lord clearly told me it was my choice so I CHOSE to come. I choose to stay everyday. And I am ever grateful for the Atonement that gives me strength through the trials. 

I also just love the Book of Mormon. Such great comfort has come from reading it this week. I tend to judge myself and expect perfection from myself which can make things hard seeing as I am completely riddled with imperfections but this verse felt like Heavenly Father just tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me that He loves me: "But behold, my beloved brethren, I judge better things of you, I judge that ye have faith in Christ because of your meekness..." (Moroni 7:39). He judges better things of me. He sees greatness in my even when I see a failure in me. So I'm on the up and up. We may not have anyone to teach but I will hope beyond hope.

But despite the rough week we did get permission to go to our friends wedding! Grace was the first member I ever worked with here in Lusaka and she is the granddaughter of Grandma Teke (all the missionaries call her Grandma), the distribution center lady. Her sister is currently serving a mission in Salt Lake City. Honestly, the wedding was sort of strange. It felt more like a funeral. They didn't smile at all. But the cheers and smiles did come afterwards. It was an interesting experience. 

A bunch of azungus are here volunteering with Mother's Without Borders so our ward exploded with people yesterday. And in other news, everyone keeps telling Sister Frimpong and I that we look alike. Ha! Alright.

Love you people,

Sister Proctor

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